butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
