So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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