we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
