how can u be prego again
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
