he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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