i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
