when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
