Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
