thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
