I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
