Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
