Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
