On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
