never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
