wakey wakey hands off snakey
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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