I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
