So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
