I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
