I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
