i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
