I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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