we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
