she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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