I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
