thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
