the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
