I didn't shave. On purpose
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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