either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
