Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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