My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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