Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
