Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
