i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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