I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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