Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize