there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
