I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
