After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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