I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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