he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
