Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
