i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have aggressive nipples.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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