I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize