I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
