Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
