I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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