Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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