I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
