dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
