After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
