Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
