Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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