I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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