every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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