maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize