I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
