Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
