They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
