On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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