You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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