I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
