There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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