Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
