I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
