Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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